Funny how changing our perception … will change what we think … and in turn, change what we think we are seeing!
The love and trust of son and father is obvious in this photo, yet something appears to be terribly wrong. How is it that this tiny baby has so much strength to support the full weight of his father?
What father would ever launch his full weight off from the back of his tiny son? Yet – that appears to be what you are seeing, does it not?
Sometimes what we see just doesn’t make sense with our mind, and in order to understand what we are seeing, we will fill in the blanks with a story, or an assumption, in order to connect the disconnect. This tendency occurs throughout our life from the moment we begin to learn from the adults around us, to the day we finally breath our last breath. It is how we are wired. Only as a child do we accept what we do not understand. We accept that it is what it is and we do not pass judgement – especially on the motives of other people!
What too many of us do not realize is that we have the power over our perceptions by simply changing our position on something. But being able to change the position seems impossible because of stuffed emotions that have accumulated and layered over the years.
Frustrations of not being heard, or seen, or wondering if you have any value or worth to contribute to those you love the most will flip your perception so that it will no longer n be seen for what it really is … or was. Pain that we experience as a child who was accepting of ‘what is’ will take on new meaning as the youth who remembered the pain (from his or her perception) and who then as an adult drew conclusions and made assumptions in order to pass judgement on why that pain existed. (There HAD to have been a reason!)
The first thing to do is to NOTICE your reactions and do what you can to set aside your emotions enough to see what the FACTS are. For some people, this is a bit easier than others, because part of the human population are task/thinking oriented individuals and the other half are relationship/feeling.
If you think of tasks before you think of people, then you are a task-oriented person. If you can speak with a clear mind in a confrontation, then you are a thinker before you are a feeler. For those who are relationship oriented, they will think of the human element (which has many variables) before they can think about the task – or facts of something.
If you are a feeling person before thinking, then when in a confrontation, you will be flooded with emotions and will get frustrated because you can’t find your thoughts to express them intelligently. A thinking person will declare that you are “too emotional!” and conclude that you don’t know what you are talking about because you could not express yourself intelligently while your emotions flooded and spilled over.
A thinking person who has no problem finding their thoughts, will bombard you with information. Once their thoughts have been expressed, THEN they will feel the emotions of an event. Relational and feeling people will pass judgment on the Thinker as being cold-hearted and having no emotion whatsoever. And … these opposites usually marry each other!
Alas … it is rarely what we think it is! Of course the Feeler has intelligence! They just need to have their emotions validated before they are able to intelligently share their thoughts about the matter. And of course, the Thinker has a heart. Their thoughts must be heard and validated before they can be free to feel. Funny how that works. (Sometimes … not so funny.)
For others, help is needed that is beyond what is readily available. One such resource is through advanced technology that helps you to re-frame your perceptions so that you can heal from crippling emotions and tormenting or negative mental thoughts.*
JUST THE FACTS … AND NOTHING BUT THE FACTS
In a shared experience by more than one individual, each person will have a unique perception of the event because of who they were born to be and what experiences have shaped their lives. Those experiences reinforce their perception of what they believe to be true and what is not … therefore, the other person is mistaken.
The beauty of this world is that there are more sides to a story than there are people! Each person is right … AND … well, let’s just say that when sorting out information, it’s more wise to sort it out as either beneficial information or non-beneficial information than it is to state what is wrong and what is right.
A shared event contains the essence of a problem and a solution. These are where your facts reside – in the shared experience. This is also why it is possible to agree to disagree, as each person understands that the other person has a different perspective on the same event that both share. OPPORTUNITY lies within this shared experience and by looking at the FACTS (represented by the yellow) two people with different viewpoints can find a solution or an agreeable conclusion.
When we set aside our STORY and view the situation at hand without drawing conclusions or making assumptions, we will have the ability to better define what the problem really is, or was, and see the lesson or opportunity that presented itself.
One will never be able to change their perceptions until they change their position. I can trade places with you and pretend I am you and get a better understanding of what your experience was, and you can do the same for me. That will at least get us on the same team! Together, we can change our communication to focus on the FACTS of the event, rather than get lost in our own STORY (personal perception.)
Judges do this every day. They take in a tremendous amount of information and search for facts before they make their judgement. That judgment is based upon what the court saw as evidence proving what was fact.
Imagine how powerful a married couple would be when united, rather than divided, by simply developing the ability to focus on the facts and not their individual stories. There’s much to be said in regards to taking responsibility for re-evaluating their own story and perception! (Indeed – could this be the solution for world peace? <smile>)
*If you live in Denver, I highly recommend that you contact Gary and Sharon Worrell from Strategies for Healing so that you can visit with them in their cozy, comfortable office and let them show you how perception re-framing can give you a new perspective on life. If additional assistance is needed, Gary is a certified counselor while Sharon is a trained Biblical Counselor. If you do not live in Denver, you can still receive re-framing help long distance through the miracle of this advanced technology. (Additional note, the Worrell’s work in tandem and as a valuable support system with counselors and pastors who may already be working with you. Be sure to have your counselor, therapist or pastor contact them for more information.)