Why is this important? Because you need to know what truly makes you feel loved, so that you can communicate that to those who love you. Something that couples must learn – if they are to succeed in their marriage relationship. Assuming that HOW you love someone is good enough because it means something to you, is an unfortunate mistake that most people make.
The 5 Love Languages, authored by Gary Chapman, is one of the best books I’ve read addressing the need to learn how to better communicate with those you love. More importantly, it helps you to understand YOU and what you need to fill your emotional love tank so that you can love others more freely and expressively.
Whether you are married or single, know what matters to you so that you can communicate your needs to a potential partner or look for someone who flows in giving the kind of love that you need, how you need it. Many family disagreements and frustrations would be eliminated if people just took the time to observe, notice and learn in regards to how others communicate, express themselves and what they are most focused on.
When I mentor someone, I’m constantly bringing in the various elements of personality styles, motivations, learning styles, listening styles and love languages in order to help people to learn not just about themselves, but how to understand others. One of the easiest ways to do this is to pay attention to what someone else does for you. It may not seem like much to you – but it reveals that person’s love language and you’ll get a wonderful hint of what matters to them. Need an example? If someone is sending you little cards and notes or perhaps giving you small gifts of appreciation – know that this is how they are communicating in their love language – and that this is a great hint of what THEY need in return.
Many couples often divorce because of frustration and anger and hurt that they no longer felt loved or appreciated. Many times, this is due to the fact that when dating, they paid attention to what mattered to their prospective mate. After marriage, they got comfortable and as life moved along at a frantic pace, they became stressed and drained … too drained to put the effort into meeting the emotional needs of their loved one.
As we often do, we become more obsessed with our own lack of emotional fulfillment and do not recognize the expressions of love that are being given to us (because that is not our love language). Rather than getting frustrated because your husband is busy working and fixing up things around the house and no longer has time for you, stop to reconsider his motivation for working so hard to provide. Could it not be that his ‘works of service’ might be his love language?
Instead of expecting someone to read your mind, educate yourself! Notice .. appreciate … do to others what you wish they would do for you. Where can you get this information? Well, start here, for instance … then start noticing.